One town, 500 residents and 12 church denominations and 84 political parties..............

As parents we like to have the best for our children, even if this means that we have to sacrifice certain things in our lives.
Well it happened a few weeks ago!
Having planned my Saturday to a T, which involved watching 4 Super Rugby matches, preparing for a wonderful evening with friends, and doing no physical activity what-so-ever, my plans were shattered by netball trials, that I knew nothing about!, and to say the least, I'm a very involved parent.
So I was informed that the trials will start at 14:00 and that it is held at a local high school and that it is part of a so-called "Bokkie week", loving Google, I wanted to do some immediate research, but alas "no time dad" came the response from the car!

I must admit, that it was nice to take Christy to the trials, and I felt good, as she was complemented about her abilities by various coaches from other schools.

The Game

 The said school is situated in a very different area of the city, it immediately became apparent that, to fit in I have to swop my Tucson for a Ford, my rum for brandy, and my K-Way hiking shorts for a rugby short (and preferably old at that), but not being a snob, I looked passed all this and asked if we were at the correct place, just to be informed "yes en jy is die regte kleur" (yes and you are the correct colour). This should have been a warning, but as I stated in a previous blog "If you don't like someone" I tried to look past this sultry remark and thought, "maybe I just don't know you well enough". As the trials went on, and I must admit that my daughter played very well in all three games, it became very apparent that these guys have ulterior motives and I became very uneasy.
So as soon as Christy played her final game, we packed it in and headed home.

Arriving home I immediately did some research and was shocked at what I found.

These guys of the AVS (Afrikaans Volkseie Sport) basically has segregated sport in a country that tries its best to be unified. According to their constitution its all about providing a fair and unbiased platform for children to compete against each other, as long as they are white! What hogwash!
Their main point of view is that white children doesn't get a fair chance in sport, thus their own competition, its like being in pre-primary school all over again, playing cowboys and crooks and hearing "Bang-bang you're dead! Fall or I'm not playing anymore!" or "I'm gonna take my ball and leave".

The Conundrum 

We are getting older, we are set in our ways and for most of us our career paths have been set out already, but our children are still young, impressionable, and they have to create a future in an uncertain society (globally). How do we  teach them about unity, about right and wrong, about staying loyal to your culture, to your religion and all this without harboring any biases towards others
Do we as parents condone this type of behaviour (from right-wing elements), or do we see this as just sport and innocent fun for the kids, I'm sure that someone once said "oh please leave that Hitler chap alone it is just the innocent ramblings of a mad man".

Well till next time.

Only 3 Hours!!! Not possible...........

The following shocked me when reading @UncommonFacts on Twitter, it states that if a man has sex twice a week for 40 years, the combined time for his orgasms would be less than 3 hours of his lifetime!

Adding this to Jens's remark about a bucketlist it made me think, long and hard, about how much time do we really spend enjoying ourselves.
How much fun do we really have?, how much enjoyment do we get out of life?, and what is it that makes you happy, and why don't we do it more often?

Clearly the "S" word is not the answer, because if we do the math, the average life expectancy of a person is 75 years (27,375 days), the clever people estimate that you will spend about 24 years of that sleeping, 12 years eating, 25 years working, 285 days (almost a year) on the toilet and if the above facts are correct about 1,1 day having sex, that leaves us with 14 years (+/-5110 days) to have fun, remarkable isn't it.
So why is it that we don't see more people smiling, laughing and just having a good time, is it because through the years we lost focus of life and started to fill our lives with all sorts of other ideas about life that just makes us grind away until, one day we sit and think, "I wish I have done that".

Many people is of the opinion that fun activities will cost you money and for that reason you cannot have fun, well I believe that you have to learn to live for today, to enjoy everything in life.
When I drive to work in the mornings I am so glad for Weetbix, because if I look at the facial expressions of some of my fellow road users it seems as if they had sh#t for breakfast! Everybody in his/her own world frowning and picking their noses, observing this activity is hilarious! especially is they realised that you saw them, the expression on their faces - PRICELESS!

Another cheap thrill is to read the You (or as I like to call it "Die selfmoord tydskrif"), people actually take the time to write about misfortunes or problems with the hope that it will be published!, and to get advise which they can get from any sane person, some stories are truly sick, for instance;

"Dear Uncle Murry

"I am 21 years old and have a sexual relationship with an older man for the past five years, he says that he loves me and that he cares for me, every birthday he takes me out to dinner.
My problem is that he does not want to take it to the next level, as he says he loves my Gran and wont leave her! What should I do?

Confused Boksburg"

and a more recent article in which the author complains that she is involved(or rather engaged!) in a relationship and has been unhappy since the word go! Now I ask you, if you know that you will be hurt if you put your finger in an electrical socket, because it happened to you once, why will you do it again!

My conclusion is thus, learn to live for today, enjoy everything in life, cut out negative vibes. Being happy is a conscious decision, not an emotion.

Well till next time.

Being tamed by the mighty Fish

Being christened into the hiking fraternity by starting with the ’Hell’ back in ’88, I stacked up an impressive array of hikes in a relative short space of time. These included, The Hell, The Otter, The Tsitsikama (3, 5 and 7 days), the Swartberg (3 and 5 days), the Outeniqua (3,5 and yes the 8 day course), the Hakerville and the Swellendam.

Those were the days, merrily hiking in the wonderful wilderness areas of the Southern Cape. But, as with us all, life sometimes takes funny turns and it was nearly 20 years later that Niconette phoned me to ask if I would join them on the Fishriver. With my heart jumping out of my chest and a smile as big as a Peugot 206 grill I calmly said yes as not to sound like a schoolboy who just had his first kiss!

Preparation "F"

Our booking was for the last hike in of the season, which gave us plenty of time to prepare. Asking information about the Fish was like asking for someone to give up state secrets! Some conversations were as follows;

Me; “We’ll be hiking the Fish in August”

Reply; “bad time you will be hiking in other peoples faecal matter (actually the word was K%$k)”

Or

Me; “Do you have any advice on hiking the Fish?”

Reply; “Yes prepare as if you will be running the comrades!”

Or

Me; “what did you pack when you did the Fish river?”

Reply: “Everything, you are in the bush for 5 days!”

Needles to say these conversations made me a bit nervous, as the last time I did anything more physical than channel hopping (on my coach that is) was back in the day when I was a weapons instructor in the Police. A good 5 years has passed since then and I became scared!

Thus began my vigorous regime which included;

·         Talking about hiking the Fishriver;

·         Dreaming about hiking the Fishriver;

·         Finding gadgets to take on the hike;

·         Promising myself to stop smoking before hiking the Fishriver; etc,

Everything except physical exercise! 
Now we all know that before you can attempt the Fish your Doctor has to complete a medical certificate stating that you are in good health, well the problem is that the strain test is not fully explained, thus Douw completed my form in the clubhouse after a round of golf (with a cart that is!).

The smile on my face is fear!

Being in Pretoria we knew that we had a 14 hour trip ahead (15 h 31 min according to google maps) of us. We set of at 02:00 AM heading for Ais-Ais. With the Padkos packed and taking turns to drive and stopping regularly, we still reached Ais-Ais at 16:00. 

We spent our evening at Ais-Ais making the final preparations with Justernini & Brooks consultants and Oom “Ryk-Gert-Louw” for moral support. The ambiance was amazing with the fire burning in one of the most peaceful places in the world.

Here we go!

FLTR: Elke, Ettiene (aka Verkenner Swemmer),
Niconette (aka Nurse Niconette),
myself, Oom David (aka Uncle Davie) 

With my heart pounding, and being short of breath I heaved my bag onto my shoulders and started an experience that will change my life forever!

Standing on the lip of the Canyon with the chain tightly gripped I thought to myself “this is it”, and all the exercise which I did came flooding into my mind, and then the next thought, “I’m stuffed” (actually it was “I’m F@#$ed”)! Many people will tell you that descending is the most strenuous part, don’t believe them, if you are unfit the worst is still to come.

My first evening in the canyon was a blur. I could only focus on food and rest. Lots and lots of rest!

As I’ve mentioned, with all the exercise which I did, it is not wise to enter into the canyon unfit! You not only endanger your own life but also rob your fellow hikers of a great experience. 

Fishriver Paving

Waking up the next after what felt like a coma, I really was in the same position as when I went to bed!, flashbacks of the previous day came flooding into my mind. I knew that we only covered about 6km for day one, which meant that there was still at least 20km for “Fishriver Paving” ahead.

 We reached Palm Springs early and had a brunch and a nice bath (yes greenies, we used bio-degradable, wildlife friendly, very expensive, lightweight soap). The going was good and our spirits were high.

What does this tell you?!

Sticking to our time schedule gave us time to organise the camp and enjoy the offerings which
 we carried with us, sitting in the cool water with a glass of red or a Whiskey while the sun slowly changes the colour of the canyon walls from brown to a bright yellow and then darkness slowly creeps up the wall changing the browns to the full palette of greys and blacks. I will not admit to making a fire in the canyon, as it is illegal, however I can admit to enjoying a nicely “cooked” steak while basking in the glow of a “Bushveld TV” enjoying stories of the day, and what might wait tomorrow.
The "Fish" truly changed the way I see things,it inspired me on a different level, will I go back?, the answer is DEFINITELY!, will I do it differently?, DEFINITELY!
The next trip is planned for 2013 and I am sure it will be a blast.

Well till next time.

If you don't like someone

At a recent fiftieth birthday I heard this saying "If you don't like someone, the chances are that you just don't know them well enough", and I decided to put it to the test.
Trying this was a challenge as I am a person, who through many years of experience (as a police official), have honed my skills of assessing a persons character quite accurately.
Clearing all preconceived perceptions from your mind, is to say the least, very difficult, but I tried. For four weeks I truely tried to get to know someone before making up my mind about them, and my conclusion?, ........trust your gut!
This came to me while relaxing in the sun and keeping an eye on my daughters as they were swimming and playing, and thinking of the first little obnoxious little twat that will come to my house to visit my daughters!
Arriving at the gate he will start to shunt me around, firstly to get up and open the gate, and secondly, as a guest, I will be forced to greet him in a friendly manner, although I know he only has ONE thing on his mind!
The formalities that follows will irritate the living daylights out of me!, what's your name?, what grade are you?, what sport do you take part in?, what does your parents do?, all this information plus a whole lot more will already be in my possession as any good intelligence officer will tell you. Rather subject the little infidel to a lie-detector test!
One thing that these little brats forget is that we where 16 as well, and boy can we remember! We might be on the wrong side of 30, but there is not one father on this earth with daughters that has Alzheimers, every little detail comes back to you with the words of the Bible, "the sins of the fathers" ringing in your ears!

So to the Troglodyte that wishes to date my daughters here are some pointers;

1. If you blow the cars horn in front of my house you better be delivering something, because you sure as hell will not be picking somebody up! You honk for a whore and a hound!
2. When you speak to my daughter you look her in the eyes, never anywhere else only in the eyes!
3. If you pants looks like it is loose or has been loose, or if you try to go “Gansta”, I will use my nail gun and secure it properly to your waist.
4. I don’t look mean, I am MEAN!
5. Don’t talk to me about politics, the weather or sport, all that I am interested in is what time you will be back, and the only words I understand is “before 10pm Sir”
6. Don’t stand around lazily waiting for my daughter, she is a woman, she may take her time, make yourself handy and wash the car.
7. I you make my daughter cry, you will cry! (refer to 4)
8. Movies with age restrictions is out!, Walt Disney is acceptable, but a visit to her Gran is preferable.
9. Don’t lie – I will catch you!
10. Don’t be relaxed because I’m a deacon – I do it to please my wife.
11. I take everything you say or do to my daughter personally – I will go to jail again, without blinking an eye!
12. For 20 years I trained some of the toughest motherfuckers in the world, so to cut you up into small pieces and feed you to the sharks is like playing a round of golf, NO SWEAT!
13. If you insult my daughters honour, your families bloodline will seize to exist, genes like that does not deserve a place on this earth, your mother, father, grandmothers, grandfathers, uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces, brothers and sisters all will pay for your sins!
14. I reserve the right, to knowingly or unknowingly, test your sobriety by means of blood or urine.
15. Any form of harassment or abuse against my daughter, whether physical or psychological will be seen as a direct attack on me and I will retaliate with swift, severe and certain action against you and your family. 
16. Any gifts I buy my daughter or anything she buys herself, belongs to her so keep your grubby little paws off! I hate a spongers!
17. If you decide to date my daughter she becomes number one in your life! No friends, family or anything activity take preference above her, nothing!
18. Alcohol can be consumed in moderation, but the first time that I catch you drunk, I WILL throw you in a bath of ice and harvest your kidney for someone who will appreciate it!
19. If you cheat on my daughter, Muslim Laws apply and I will change your manhood forever!
20. I reserve the right to add or change any of these rules without consent or prior notification. 

Well till next time.

Shutting Down and Re-Boot

Having had the opportunity to spend the school holidays with the family, and relaxing in the tranquility of the Waterberg, one of the most beautiful places in South Africa, I feel great!
Its amazing waking up in the morning lighting the "Bushveld" TV and having a cup of coffee.
Sitting and staring at the bushveld the emotions of the past couple of months start to cause turmoil!

The view from the kitchen.

The phone is not ringing, the e-mails are not coming in, there is nobody coming into your office and asking for your time!
The first two days you don't know what to do as the rat-race is constantly in the back of your mind, then all of a sudden it hits you, "I can rest!" The sense of bewilderment is gone and a change starts to happen, you become tired, you go to sleep and wake up refreshed, you are not irritable any more, you see the family with different eyes, you even like to do physical activities without having to motivate yourself!
For some this relaxation happens at a five star hotel, for some its a quiet evening fishing, and for some its being in the bush, but no matter were you find your solitude the most important thing is to enjoy it!
I learnt something when I was on holiday, the process of shutting down!
As I said the first emotion is anxiety, "what will happen if I'm not at work", then you start feeling lost, "why isn't anybody trying to contact me",  then the awakening, "things can go on without me", then you go into relaxation and enjoyment.
For some these emotions can happen in the blink of an eye, for some it takes hours and others needs a few days to get this sorted, so know yourself, and plan the duration of your trip that you can experience the true value of your get-a-way.
This holiday was excellent, there was no schedule, it was great as we all have schedules that we have to keep in the week, nobody complained if you had a beer ten o'clock in morning, you could basically just do what you wanted!
But as always the visit to "Oom Jan's" man cave was the topping! He is a character straight out of the Bushveld. Like Davy Crockett, or even Chuck Norris, just ten times more manly!

Oom Jan

Oom Jan tells jokes, educates you about the bush, firearms, hunting or just life in general. Discussing hunting rifles, shot placement and observing the veld has a whole different meaning, especially when a generous dose of mampoer has been added to the mix! You leave his den motivated, inspired and sometimes in awe, what a place.
We booked our hunting weekend on Born Wild for next year, and I can promise you it will be great.

In the words of  Isaac Mizrahi "The more relaxed you can get, the better you'll do".

Well till next time.

If I meet him I will.......

How many times have we uttered those words, "If I meet him I will inform him of this-and-that, or I'll give him a piece of my mind or I'll tell him how it really works.
Well I have, on may occasions! and there I was sitting in, the official residence of the  President of South Africa His Excellency Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma, or as he is known in the circles JZ!
Pinching myself and looking astonishingly at everybody standing around having a few drinks and even Klippies, because you see people from all backgrounds have been invited, and I was thinking "How did I end up here?", "Am I dressed properly?", and "Is this really Bra Cyril (Ramaphosa) having such an interesting discussion with me!?
It all started with a sms, "Send me you ID No", that was it short and sweet. Knowing "D" (lets protect the privacy) I realised something was happening, I phoned and he said that I would get my chance to tell the President how I feel, since I always have so much to say.
Three weeks passed and I totally forgot about the conversation, when I received a sms stating that my vetting is completed and I am welcome to join the President at his official residence for dinner!, no gilded envelope, no smart delivery of the invitation just a sms! I phoned D and he assured me that this is not a joke and we have to be there at said time and date, with the warning that it is the President so don't be late.
And here I was rubbing shoulders with the rich, famous and powerful as the President came into the room. Having drinks and greeting every person personally, his charisma immediately became apparent, as he spoke to me you could almost say that at that moment you where the most important person to him. Then came the inevitable speech, now, I have listened to many parliamentary speeches and knew that this was not his strong point, however, that evening he spoke without a piece of paper and to say the least is was brilliant! (maybe he must speak more from the heart and less from the paper!)
Now at home I eat with my old T-shirts, for the obvious reason, my fork is too big and my mouth is too small, so here I was in a bit of a predicament, the rule is (according to my wife), stay away from  the sloppy stuff, no sauce and for the love of all PUT DOWN YOUR CUTLERY AFTER EACH BITE! So in the line to dish, Oxtail Stew, check, no chicken, cream spinach, check, roast potatoes, check, rice, check, sweetened baby carrots, check and thick brown gravy, check! 
Most of the people at my table were men, and it seems most of us had the same speech before hand, and as good men do, we forgot it promptly. Person across from me started with a big smudge of brown gravy on his R 3000.00 shirt, person next to me followed suit with a blotch of food on his lap, person to the left had his cuff in his plate, that left a few brave men standing, I was next to fall victim to the gravy, but the food was excellent!
After dinner we looked liked a group of business men who came out of a food fight and the conversation started, photos were taken and I had my chance to ask a question.
Here goes it, "Mr President why is it that the ruling party allows certain individuals to put our political stability  into disrepute by making outrages comments (guess who, yes Bra Ju-Ju), and the reply, "We are built on freedom of speech, however, we must always remember that that freedom comes with responsibility and if we misuse that we must bear the consequences". 
Well here I am a year after that incident and it seems as if he was right! 
Driving home that evening I had so many other questions, but I felt great, meeting the President was great, no matter who he is or what his political background is, it was still an honour. I can understand how people are swept into a frenzy when he speaks at a rally, more things make sense, and I read the newspaper with more attention to detail.

Well till next time.   

Economics, who really understands it!

Listening to economists and the President of the Reserve Bank I'm even more confused about how economics work, especially when we hear that inflation is high and that the interest rates have to be adjusted upwards.
My understanding, and I have to admit I'm not an accountant or economist,  is that inflation is a result of business inflating prices in order to gain a bigger margin. In layman's terms, they project there expenditure on future trends and adjust pricing accordingly, however their crystal balls may sometimes have cracks or smudges   on it and they project higher expenditure than it actually  is and the difference is inflation.
Now in this scenario the consumer, for those who don't know, its you and me, bears the brunt of this little miss-calculation!
So in order to still have a braai on weekends and to take the children to a movie instead of having them in the street and writing obscenities on the neighbours walls, we go into debt, thus spending more than we earn.
Now in order to stop you from braaiing, having a beer, taking the kids to the movies or just eating with the electric light on, the clever people at the Reserve Bank decides to hike interest rates, and who suffers, yes, you have it, the consumer again!
Out comes the crystal ball again and the whole process starts all over again!
Well I'm off to go and buy some beer and meat, no coldrinks its too expensive.

My happiest day would be if the IRB's Referee panel becomes involved in law enforcement!

No don't be shocked, it would be a blessing for all, especially for some government officials. The reason I say this is that their governing rules, The IRB Rule Book has 189 pages with something like 22 rules and their variations, but during any given match we only hear about, "Not binding", "Not rolling away", Not releasing". We never hear "Not straight into scrum", "Not releasing when one knee touches the ground" etc.
If they can arbitrarily decide on which laws to enforce imagine the impact on law enforcement, I can see myself driving on the N1 at 160kph and being stopped, the traffic official (an IRB man) walks around the car and says, "Sir I see your left tail light is not working, here is a warning please get it fixed", or even better "Sir when you conducted a lane change you did not let you indicator blink for 7 times as per regulation, there is a R500.00 statute on this offence but you will only be warned as we were instructed to concentrate on the wearing of seat-belts."
Even better, imagine they become involved in the medical field! "Sir, you have a cholesterol level of 8 but we are not focusing on that, your in-grown toenail is of major concern to us as you cannot run away from criminals that fast."

Talking to the boss can also be very interesting, "I know working hours are from 08:00 but this week I am focusing on being efficient".

Well till next time!