If you don't like someone

At a recent fiftieth birthday I heard this saying "If you don't like someone, the chances are that you just don't know them well enough", and I decided to put it to the test.
Trying this was a challenge as I am a person, who through many years of experience (as a police official), have honed my skills of assessing a persons character quite accurately.
Clearing all preconceived perceptions from your mind, is to say the least, very difficult, but I tried. For four weeks I truely tried to get to know someone before making up my mind about them, and my conclusion?, ........trust your gut!
This came to me while relaxing in the sun and keeping an eye on my daughters as they were swimming and playing, and thinking of the first little obnoxious little twat that will come to my house to visit my daughters!
Arriving at the gate he will start to shunt me around, firstly to get up and open the gate, and secondly, as a guest, I will be forced to greet him in a friendly manner, although I know he only has ONE thing on his mind!
The formalities that follows will irritate the living daylights out of me!, what's your name?, what grade are you?, what sport do you take part in?, what does your parents do?, all this information plus a whole lot more will already be in my possession as any good intelligence officer will tell you. Rather subject the little infidel to a lie-detector test!
One thing that these little brats forget is that we where 16 as well, and boy can we remember! We might be on the wrong side of 30, but there is not one father on this earth with daughters that has Alzheimers, every little detail comes back to you with the words of the Bible, "the sins of the fathers" ringing in your ears!

So to the Troglodyte that wishes to date my daughters here are some pointers;

1. If you blow the cars horn in front of my house you better be delivering something, because you sure as hell will not be picking somebody up! You honk for a whore and a hound!
2. When you speak to my daughter you look her in the eyes, never anywhere else only in the eyes!
3. If you pants looks like it is loose or has been loose, or if you try to go “Gansta”, I will use my nail gun and secure it properly to your waist.
4. I don’t look mean, I am MEAN!
5. Don’t talk to me about politics, the weather or sport, all that I am interested in is what time you will be back, and the only words I understand is “before 10pm Sir”
6. Don’t stand around lazily waiting for my daughter, she is a woman, she may take her time, make yourself handy and wash the car.
7. I you make my daughter cry, you will cry! (refer to 4)
8. Movies with age restrictions is out!, Walt Disney is acceptable, but a visit to her Gran is preferable.
9. Don’t lie – I will catch you!
10. Don’t be relaxed because I’m a deacon – I do it to please my wife.
11. I take everything you say or do to my daughter personally – I will go to jail again, without blinking an eye!
12. For 20 years I trained some of the toughest motherfuckers in the world, so to cut you up into small pieces and feed you to the sharks is like playing a round of golf, NO SWEAT!
13. If you insult my daughters honour, your families bloodline will seize to exist, genes like that does not deserve a place on this earth, your mother, father, grandmothers, grandfathers, uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces, brothers and sisters all will pay for your sins!
14. I reserve the right, to knowingly or unknowingly, test your sobriety by means of blood or urine.
15. Any form of harassment or abuse against my daughter, whether physical or psychological will be seen as a direct attack on me and I will retaliate with swift, severe and certain action against you and your family. 
16. Any gifts I buy my daughter or anything she buys herself, belongs to her so keep your grubby little paws off! I hate a spongers!
17. If you decide to date my daughter she becomes number one in your life! No friends, family or anything activity take preference above her, nothing!
18. Alcohol can be consumed in moderation, but the first time that I catch you drunk, I WILL throw you in a bath of ice and harvest your kidney for someone who will appreciate it!
19. If you cheat on my daughter, Muslim Laws apply and I will change your manhood forever!
20. I reserve the right to add or change any of these rules without consent or prior notification. 

Well till next time.